Tag Archives: parenting

Simon Sinek on Millenials in the Workplace (~15 minutes; less time than it takes to scroll your feed(s)).

This brief video is better described as:

“Digital Dilemma,” “Digital Dementia,” or “Piss Poor Parenting/Preparation.”

As parents we need to be more engaged with our kids as they navigate through early life, adolescence, and young adulthood.

I see too many 12 year olds, 10 year olds (mine previously included), even as young as 6 years old having cell phones or iPads. Listen to this video, and identify yourself, your friends and family, and your kids in his talk.

How many of you are guilty of being on your phone when your kid is trying to get your attention, then getting angry because they are interrupting your game, or post, or mindless scrolling?

Me. I’m guilty. As a matter of fact, I’m guilty of everything that I wrote in this…advice piece…rant….whatever. I’ll call it an enlightening article.

We have to pull these phones back. They have watches that allow kids to call a set amount of pre-programmed numbers, and you can track your kids via GOS on them. No messages. No social media. No addictive dopamine kicks throughout the day, which then cause terrible crashed, withdrawal, and depression later.

I propose that kids have no digital device (social media, texts) until they are at least 16 years old, and even that may be too early.

And stop giving your kids everything they ask for. If they didn’t earn it, then they don’t give it.

And seriously, what kid needs a smartphone? It’s barely necessary for most adults to own.

Watch the video… on your device…then put your devices up because your kids probably want your TIME.

www.youtube.com/watch

Simon

Example from video’s implications of negative effects:

A ‘friend’s’ kid went to the doctor recently and was prescribed an antidepressant. From a 30 minute office visit, from a physician…and no diagnosis. I advised the ‘friend’ to disregard this hack’s prescription, find a new doctor, and maybe try to spend less time on their own devices and more time with the kid. Like Simon says in the video, when our phone is siting in close proximity when someone (in this case our kid) is trying to interact, we are sending a signal that they aren’t important, or at least as important as the strangers on our social media pages.

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Either you control your day, or your day controls you…

What’s it going to be?

www.youtube.com/watch

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Goals

Well, after reviewing my self-proclaimed ‘epic’ advice blog post about goal setting…I realize there is very little actual information about how to actually set the goals rather than just the importance of having them.

I will write a shorter, more digestible blogpost later today with some practical steps/advice on how to set goals that will be productive rather than destructive. I’ll also explain the importance and difference between 1st level, 2nd level, and 3rd level goals (short-term, mid-term, and long-term goals, respectively).

Prioritizing within these levels is also important, and developing and implementing an action plan is just as important as setting the goal(s). You can’t have one without the other. Well you can…but you won’t end up where you want to be.

More on this later….get your workout in!

As soon as I’m healed, I’ll be joining you. I had my workers (family/friends/spouse/kids) finish my workout space/office…and I can’t wait to use it.

And here it is!

Patiently (impatiently) waiting for my body to heal…meanwhile…Shakeology!!

Fitness….What is it? Health? Wellness?

*Re-posted from page to blog post (I’m still new here)

Fitness is usually synonymous with health and wellness. However, even though they are all important from a holistic point of reference, we need to clarify that they are all actually different. To be fit, in my experience, is to be able to function physically above and beyond life’s demands (within reason regarding any disabilities a person may have). Also, there needs to be a balanced body composition. This might aggravate many people. Bur research demonstrates quite universally that extra fat stored in the body will cause some adverse health effects, whether they are short term or long term.

TAKE A COLD SHOWER

Being healthy implies something similar but has less to do with actual body composition and physical abilities and more to do with how your organs and cells are performing. Much of this goes unnoticed. One benefit and sign of being in relatively good health is feeling ‘good,’ energetic, relaxed, peaceful, etc… Of course, that’s all subjective. Medical doctors can only measure so much.

And finally, Wellness… what is wellness exactly? Well…that too is subjective. My understanding from research and speaking with many different types of ‘paths’ (practitioners of medical sciences), is that wellness is all encompassing. Like healthy it would be peaceful, content, and joyful…or strong, healthy, and energetic. I think wellness is more of a lifestyle than a state…a journey rather than a destination.

That’s my two cents about it.

On another note….is it just my kids or do they get downright combative if they stay up even 30 minutes too late? I’ve been called many names today that I do not care for but having been a kid once I kept my patient (and stern) dad face on and calmly reinforced their duties and bedtime routines. I think kids should come with a manual….and maybe a full, money back, lifetime warranty!!  I’m totally joking…or am I…?I think I am going to wake them all up at 0400AM when I get up (oh, by the way I’m a psychotic- I wake up at 4am every morning, work on stuff, pray, workout, drink coffee, and take a COLD SHOWER) and have all three of them workout with me. I’m confident there will be no problems tomorrow night when it’s time for bed…if they make it that long. I don’t know….is that abuse? I don’t think so. Cruel? Maybe…but not abuse.

Comments please…tell me about your thoughts on Fitness, Health, and Wellness. And please share about your kids…Have a great evening!

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The Reality Behind Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

There is a strong position amongst therapists and educators promoting the importance of emotional intelligence. But is it an actual thing? There is one Psychologist who declares that it is a societal construct, coined by a journalist and not a social sciences academic. More on that as we go…

Emotional Intelligence can be defined as “(noun) the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” (Siri :)).

Parents are concerned about their child’s or children’s ability to develop intellectual skills they will need to succeed in school and life. But what level of intelligence is required for success? Surely it’s healthy to express emotions in a reasonable and socially acceptable manner. But should we really expect children to “master their emotions” (Dr. John Gottman)? Dr. Gottman writes that “once they master this important life skill, emotionally children will enjoy increased self-confidence, greater physical health, better performance in school, and healthier social relationships” (Gottman, 1997).

Well, that all sounds fantastic….but how do we measure emotional intelligence? Everyone is drastically different in how they view and process their existential reality. Most adults I’ve met don’t have that level of emotionall intelligence that is described in Dr. Gottman’s book.

Communicating with our children is not easy, and it’s downright frustrating when emotions run hot. Some experts claim that when there is a heated exchange, the parent shoudl allow the child some space to decompress. However, Dr. Gottman suggests that you sit down with the child and encourage them to explore what they are feeling, identify the feelings and what caused them, and to walk them through positive coping skills. That sounds fantastic, but it isn’t practical. When my child is angry or upset, the last thing she wants is ‘Therapist Dad’ probing her brain and teaching her life skills. It’s best to leave that for when they have calmed down. Because when hormones and adrenaline increase, cognition and memory decrease. So obviously we can have a more meaningful discussion once they’ve calmed down.

Now, enter Dr. Jordan Peterson, a very intelligent and atypical Clinical Psychologist and Professor from the University of Toronto in Canada. He boldy claims that EQ does not exist. The idea was made up by a nobody journalist named Daniel Goleman, who is not a psychologist. Dr. Peterson claims “there’s no such thing as EQ” and that “you can’t just invent a trait, you have to define it, measure it, and distinguish it from other traits and use it to predict important ways that people vary” (Peterson, 2016). In a study by a couple of Australian psychologists, they discovered that there is little evidence of validity to support the claims that EQ is important for any meaningful gains in the pursuit of life, love, liberty, and happiness. That article can be read HERE. 

So….what’s my take on the issue? Well, as a father of three daughters, I want them to be emotionally intelligent…but I’m unclear exactly what that means or how to promote it. I speak with my children about feelings and expression of emotions in healthy ways. But as far as a life-changing ‘trait,’ I’m not convinced. But I’m not professional on the matter….at least not yet. But Dr. Peterson is….and you can read his full response to the EQ idea HERE.  

As always, I welcome and encourage comments, thoughts, complaints, etc… If you have some thoughts on this topic, please leave them in the comments below. If you have questions, leave those below also and I will seek out the best answerd that I can.

My Girls
Russell Brand and Dr. Jordan Peterson

Have a great Saturday!! And remember, don’t overthink life, just do the next right thing.

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Thoughts on Parenting Pt. 1

I think, at least for those of us with kids, or that had kids, or that work with kids…that they can be SO DIFFICULT!!

They are little sponges….and they’re super intelligent. They’ll remember something you said or did 4 years ago and bring it up in an argument…literally rendering your point moot. But they can never remember where they put that other shoe. Mommy and Daddy always “take ONE SHOE” and hide it to make her upset (so I’ve heard…).

I’m raising three beautiful and smart daughters, and I have no idea what I’m doing. There was no manual that popped out with the kids during childbirth (trust me, I grabbed a tool and checked…:) ) I don’t know if there is a perfect way to raise kids, and I’m sure there are a million ways to mess it up. But what I am sure of is that if I show them love and respect, along with discipline and consistency, they will have a fighting chance.

They do have my attitude and stubbornness, and they are more intelligent than I give them credit for sometimes. But I love them, love them, love them…No lack of hugs and verbal affection in our household. I think that’s important. I also know that our communication needs improvement, because if they can’t open up to me then they’ll open up to someone like me (when I was a teenager)…and this is not what we want at all.

We are a work in progress…which is where I think most of us are in our parenting journey. Of course it can’t be a universal and static process….every person is different. And there are plenty of confounding variables outside of the family system, especially through media, that really mess with some of the core values and beliefs that we (I) try to instill in them.

Older picture of me at my heaviest…just over a year into recovery and cranking out mad classes to graduate.

I love my babies….and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. But I’m also not having anymore biological children…snip,snip,snip…. But we may foster or adopt at some pointy when my educational journey has come to an end….

Thanks for reading….Please share some of your parenting tips, tricks, and complaints below!

**Please pardon any typos…I am going to start writing my posts in MS Word so I can regulate the grammar and spelling more efficiently.

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